Friday, October 17, 2014

snakebite 4000

by f. flynn




pearl, amanda wilson's long time secretary, was not surprised when amanda showed up at the office on the day before the election.

it had been agreed that the candidates would not campaign on election day, or on the final day before it.

and of course, the result was regarded as settled, with the vote count a formality.

amanda, who was already the richest person in the world, as well as most famous and powerful woman in the world, would be the first democratically elected president of the new world government.

pearl was proud of the fact that she had been able to manage almost all of the messages amanda received while she was campaigning for the world presidency.


of course, most of the messages were simply routed to the various companies amanda owned, to be handled by their ceo's or vice presidents or staffs.

calls of a personal nature - that is, from the tiny percentage that knew the codes and had gotten through the hundreds of filters to amanda's private office - pearl had mostly handled herself, forwarding no more than one or two a day to amanda.

there was one curious and cryptic message from the day before that the ever conscientious pearl had hesitated over. finally, figuring that amanda would probably show up the following day, she had actually written the message on a piece of paper and left it on amanda's desk.


it was the only thing on the desk and amanda noticed it immediately when she entered the office.

she picked it up and glanced at it. pearl thought she looked just a bit startled.

but amanda laughed. "what timing!" she said, more to herself than pearl.

"i hope you don't mind," pearl said. "i didn't know what to make of it, but he did manage to get through all the codes."

"no, it's cool," amanda assured pearl. she took her phone out and punched in a number - a very long number, so pearl assumed it was someone amanda was not in constant contact with.


but whoever was on the other line picked up immediately.

"mister martin? amanda wilson here. yes. yes, i am still very much interested." pause. "especially by your timing." another pause. "yes, i suppose that makes sense. i suppose you can come over to the office. yes, that would be good. there will be all sorts of security people." pause. "yes, i understand, but it might be best if you actually went through them - "

pearl was mystified by this turn in the conversation, but of course held her tongue. she had never been chatty, which of course was one reason amanda valued her.


"they will want a code phrase," amanda was saying to mister wilson. "use - use 'snakebite 4000'. i will have them instructed to let you through. all right, i will see you in about half an hour." she clicked the phone off.

"did you hear that?" amanda asked pearl. "maybe you could go downstairs and meet him. i'll call security and tell them to expect him."

"of course," pearl agreed. "should i lay anything on for him?"

"what? oh no, nothing special. he won't be staying long. you can give him some coffee and a croissant if he wants one."

"very good. what does he look like?"

"what does he look like? i haven't seen him for a while, but when i did, he looked like nothing much. like nothing at all."

*


pearl closed the door behind her. mister martin seated himself on a couch and tool a sip of the coffee pearl had brought him.

neither amanda nor mister martin wasted time in small talk.

"so," he began, "you are still interested in the proposition we previously discussed?"

"that is what i said."

mister martin was a demon, who served powers who were not bound by the rules of earthly science.


amanda had met him by chance during her meteoric rise in the world, and they had discussed the possibility that amanda could exchange bodies with a human male.

amanda had agreed to the exchange with any human male who was willing to make the exchange with her.

mister martin had not been able to find such a person, but now a candidate had been found, perhaps tempted by amanda's prospective new position, although that was neither here nor there.

the willing person was bill johnson, a fifty-three year old habitué of the bowery with three days to live.

it was settled. there was no paperwork, nothing to sign.

the exchange would take place in ten minutes, after mister martin left the office.

he put his coffee cup down with a slight grimace.

"that's really not very good."

"no," amanda agreed, "i never was a coffee person."

*


amanda walked down the bowery toward bleecker street in her new body.

there was a chill in the air, and a wind in amanda's face. (for she still thought of herself as amanda, not bill)

she was pumped, as she had never been before, not on the floor of the stock exchange, or in a board room, or on a tv talk show, or on the campaign trail.

she was free. free at last!

nobody noticed her. nobody at all.

she decided to test out her new identity. she was standing in front of an establishment labeled "bob's bowery bar."

a sign in the window said "be of good cheer."

amanda stopped and fished in bill's pockets. a dollar and seventy-three cents. what would that buy?


a nondescript man in a yankees jacket was approaching from the west side.

"hey, buddy," amanda approached him, "can you spare some change?" was that still a right thing to say?

"fuck you." the man walked right past her.

he had not even looked at her. not at her legs, not at her tits or ass, he hadn't looked at her at all!

how cool was that?

another, somewhat older man appeared. he wore an old fashioned cloth cap like you saw in old movies on tbs. amanda asked him for change in the same words.


"get a job, asshole." he went by even faster than the first man. again, without even looking at her.

amanda looked up and saw an old woman with a cane approaching. somehow she felt sure the old woman would give her a few cents at least.

the wind blew in her face. this was great!

how she wished she could live like this for more than a few days.

but everything had its price.

*


bill johnson sat at amanda's desk, in amanda's old body.

it was getting dark outside. you couldn't argue with the view of the skyline. very nice.

and he had plenty of time to enjoy it. how old was this bitch anyway, only about thirty-five? and in good health, according to the demon martin.

bill was hungry and thirsty, and a little - just a little, nervous.

but he figured he could fake his way through whatever came up. after all, who was going to suspect anything?

and he should at least get some good grub out of it, and some good booze.

he leaned back in the chair. without thinking much about it, he opened one of the desk drawers.

not much there. but his eye caught something.

a box of tampons.

tampons. tampons! what the fuck!

oh, man...

at that moment, he would have given anything to call the demon back and be back in his old body.

***



Monday, July 21, 2014

third ways

text by cathy aragon

illustrations provided by penmarq studios






here are the vote totals, per wikipedia, of the 2012 presidential election in the united states.

obama - 65,915,796

romney - 60,933.500

Gary Johnson (Libertarian) – 1,115,886

Jill Stein (Green) – 404,901

Virgil Goode (Constitution) – 114,143

Roseanne Barr (Peace & Freedom) – 49,388


Rocky Anderson (Justice) – 35,699

Tom Hoefling (America’s Party) – 28,590

Randall Terry (Independent) – 12,895

Richard Duncan (Independent) – 12,108



Peta Lindsay (PSL) – 7,071

None of these Candidates – 5,753

Chuck Baldwin (Kansas Reform) – 4,704

Tom Stevens (Objectivist) – 4,013


Steven Alexander (Socialist) – 3,023

Will Christensen (Oregon Constitution) – 3,915

James Harris (Socialist Workers) – 3,432

Jim Carlson (Minnesota Grassroots) – 3,171


Merlin Miller (American Third Position) – 2,603

Sheila “Sam” Tittle (We The People) – 2,479



Jill Reed (Twelve Visions Party) – 2,373

Gloria La Riva (PSL) – 1,524


Jerry Litzel (Independent) – 1,196

Jerry White (Socialist Equality) – 1,133

Dean Morstad (Constitutional) – 1,108

Barbara Dale Washer (Mississippi Reform) – 955


Jeff Boss (Independent) – 888

Andre Barnett (Reform) – 795


Lowell “Jack” Fellure (Prohibition) – 503

as you see, the candidate of the prohibition party finished last. the prohibition party was a force in american politics in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries and is credited with getting the ill-fated eighteenth amendment passed.

next to last was the candidate of the reform party, the party formed by ross perot in 1992. perot himself got 19% of the popular vote in 1992 and 8% in 1996.


third from the bottom was jeff boss, a conspiracy theorist who believes the 911 attacks were implemented by the national security agency.

what would it take to do even worse than these?

two parties which do not appear on the above list, probably because they did not field candidates and do not exist are:

a feminist or womens separatist party

and a world government party

if you google "womens separatist" or "world government" you will find entries but no sign of any existing political parties putting up candidates. there was apparently a world government party in the united kingdom in the middle of the twentieth century.


could either of these, if they existed, do better than the prohibition party?

neither could plausibly assert, if they ran candidates, that they could achieve their objectives overnight, even if they won.

but they could at least make womens separatism or world government stated long term goals, to be implemented as much as practically possible.

in the case of world government , the candidate could pledge to ask congress to pass an amendment ceding all federal power to the united nations and inviting all other countries to do the same.


for womens separatism, the candidate could propose that certain areas of the country - perhaps an area in each one of the fifty states - be set aside as self-governing states for women only, and men kept out, with the areas to be expanded as they filled up.

how enthusiastically would such proposals be welcomed by the american electorate?

estimate that between 140 million and 150 million votes will be cast in the 2016 election.

could either the projected world government or womens party get 1000 votes ?

could they get 500?

could they get 100?

***



Tuesday, July 8, 2014

juan gonzalez

anonymous

english version by dylan carnsworth

illustrations by konrad kraus and jacqueline le mot






they came for juan gonzalez in the night

they surrounded the village at dusk

they came with their guns

they came with their ropes

they came with their dogs

they waited for nightfall and they entered the village

juan gonzalez was not afraid

he had never been afraid

he had taught the people not to be afraid

not to be afraid for him

and not to be afraid for themselves

when they came

with their guns and their dogs

juan gonzalez was ready for them

he was ready for them with the truth

he knew they could take him away

because they could not take the truth away

they had come for juan gonzalez before

in the places where he had told the truth

he had escaped

but this time there was no escape

juan gonzalez had been betrayed

this time they knew

they knew where to find him

they came with all their force

all their guns

all their ropes and chains

all their dogs

and their tanks

they surrounded the village

when darkness fell they began to enter the village

juan gonzalez came out to meet them

and they took him away

but they left the truth behind

they came with their guns

they came with their dogs

they came with their ropes and chains

this is how they come

this is what they do

they came for juan gonzalez



Thursday, May 8, 2014

eviction

by sutcliffe lovingood

illustrations by konrad kraus and danny delacroix






tony didn't look like an assassin, especially not like an assassin who killed a whole lot of people, but he was one.

he was average size, skinny, but kind of mean looking. and he looked impatient, like he couldn't believe how stupid people were.

i first saw tony when me and my mom and my brother joey and my sister jocelyn got evicted.

it was a bright sunny day. we had everything in one big suitcase. mom was dragging it along the sidewalk and the wheels on it were squeaking.

the bus pulled up beside us and stopped.

tony was driving. he got off the bus and looked at us and the suitcase. he didn't ask us if we wanted to get on the bus.


"that suitcase is going to have to go in the luggage compartment," he told mom. he started to open the luggage compartment door on the side of the bus.

"uh - maybe we could just not get on the bus?" mom asked him.

"lady, are you serious? you just got evicted, right?"

"yes, we did."

"are these your kids?"

"yes."

"all three of them?"


"yes, all three of them."

tony shook his head. "just get on the bus. you know the rules."

"they are kind of new rules."

"so what? they are still the rules."

"come on, mom," jocelyn told her, "there's no sense arguing." jocelyn never liked mom to embarrass her.

joey didn't either. i never let it bother me much.

we got on the bus. there were four or five other people scattered around the bus. none of them were sitting together.


it was kind of dark on the bus. the windows were not completely tinted, but it was dark.

tony got on, got behind the wheel and we started off.

we went directly into the tunnel.

so this was it - the end. i didn't know how long the ride would be but i knew we would be killed when it ended. that was just how it would be.

i felt sad. i was sitting by myself looking out the window. mom and jocelyn were in the seats opposite me but the rows of seats were staggered so they were actually a little behind me.


joey was somewhere else. probably behind me, but maybe in front. i couldn't tell, because the seats were so high.

nobody spoke. not us, or the other people on the bus.

i guess we were all sad because we were going to die at the end of the ride.

why didn't i run when i had the chance? when tony was putting the suitcase in the baggage compartment i could have run and he might not even have noticed.

i decided to try to slip away when we got off the bus. maybe nobody would notice.


it would be a long walk back to the city, even if i could get away.

a really long walk.

because the bus just kept going and going. out of a tunnel, into a tunnel. out of a tunnel, into a tunnel.

when we were out of a tunnel there was nothing much to see, just flat land. no houses or buildings or trees or anything that i could see.

i thought maybe it was "farm land". i didn't really know what "farm land" looked like.

i didn't see any cows or sheep or pigs.


jeez louise, we just kept going and going. how was i ever going to walk back?

maybe someone would come along in a car and i could thumb a ride?

but they would be just as likely to turn me in as drive me back to the city.

i would worry about that later.

i decided to definitely make a break for it. no matter how long the walk was. what did i have to lose?

but first i would tell mom i was going so she would be cool about it and not be asking where i was.

that was the plan.


finally we stopped. there was a gas station, a few old buildings. you wouldn't exactly call it a town.

the building we pulled up beside looked kind of like a church. it was white.

we all got off the bus. tony came back down the aisle and made sure everybody got off.

when we got outside everybody gathered around tony. he and mom seemed to be having some kind of conversation. i realized there was no way i could tell mom i was going without tony hearing.

so i just slipped away. i felt bad about not saying goodbye to mom and jocelyn and joey.


i didn't look back. i started back down the road the bus had come on.

i kept walking. and walking. i didn't hear anything behind me.

maybe i was safe. maybe nobody noticed me.

finally i heard something. it sounded like gunfire. i figured tony or somebody else was probably shooting everybody that had been on the bus.

i kept walking. i finally saw somebody up ahead.

it was four girls. they were a little older than me. they were all chattering and laughing together, not walking all that fast.


when i came up behind them they just glanced at me and didn't say anything.

i saw they all had fat asses. the fat ass sisters, i thought.

i decided not to say anything to them either, and just passed them by.

i was walking a lot faster than they were and after a while i looked back and i couldn't see them.

it started to get dark. i didn't know how much farther i had to go.

then i heard a car behind me.


i started to step off the road - darn it, i thought, i should have been walking beside the road instead of right on it - but it was too late.

the headlights caught me and i stopped.

the car stopped and a guy got out. i thought it was tony.

it wasn't tony, but he looked like him. maybe he was his brother.

"you're not tony, " i said.

"no, i'm terry. get in the car." he didn't seem angry or pissed off. "i don't know what you thought you were doing."

i walked around and got in the front passenger seat. terry got back behind the wheel and started the car .


to my surprise, he didn't turn around but kept going toward the city.

"i asked, " did you see those four girls?" i don't know why i said it - just to be saying something, i guess. as soon as i did i wished i hadn't.

"what! no, i didn't see any girls. where were they?"

"just walking along."

"ahead of you?'

"they were, but i passed them."

"fuck!" he stopped the car. then he made a u-turn, back away from the city.


we drove along slowly. i kept my mouth shut. terry was scanning the sides of the road.

"what side were they on?"

"just kind of in the middle of the road."

"fuck!"

we drove along. it got completely dark.

"there's something!" he said. i looked and saw a little light in the field on one side of the road.

terry stopped the car. i didn't say anything. i thought maybe i could try to escape again.

terry took a gun out of the gun compartment. i don't know what kind it was - i don't know anything about guns.

he pointed it at me. "get out. walk ahead of me."

we got out and walked into the field, toward the light.


we got closer. the four fat ass sisters were sitting around a little fire. two of them were sitting on a wooden board, the other two on the ground.

one of them was holding a stick over the little fire. it had something on it - a marshmallow?

another had something bigger on a stick - it looked like a little bird or animal. smoke was drifting off it.

all four had cans in front of them, of beer, or mountain dew, or whatever.

"hey terry, what's up?" said the one with the marshmallow.


he pointed the gun at them. "what do you think is up? what are you sluts trying to pull?"

"calm down," one of the two sitting on the board told him. one or two others laughed.

"if it wasn't for this little lady here, you might have got away with it."

for the first time they seemed to notice me. they started screaming - at me, not him.

"who the fuck are you?"

"you stupid little cunt!"

"we'll see you in hell, you little bitch!"

"we're the devil's daughters, and we'll fix your skinny ass!"


terry started shooting them. four shots, one in each of their foreheads. it took about two seconds.

they were all sprawled on the ground around the fire. they looked deader than pieces of peanut butter fudge.

"what a fucking mess! now i'll have to come back and clean it up." terry kicked at the fire, and then kicked one of the bodies.

"that was pretty efficient," i said.

"it should be, i've doing this shit long enough. come on, let's go."


we got back in the car. terry didn't put the gun back in the glove compartment but on top of the dashboard to the left of the steering wheel. he turned the car back around toward the city.

"where are we going?'" i asked him.

"i got something to do. what do you care?"

i didn't answer. we headed back towards the city, real fast this time.

before we got there he turned off a side road, that i hadn't even seen.

we drove about two miles.


we came to a gas station and pulled in. there was a diner beside it. it wasn't a mcdonalds or arby's or anything, just a diner. there wasn't even a sign outside, at least not one i could see in the dark.

terry got out . he took the gun off the dashboard and stuck it in his belt. i got out too, even though he hadn't told me to.

i followed him into the diner. it was pretty dimly lit. there were no customers. there was a fat person behind the counter. i couldn't tell if it was a guy, or a woman with short hair.


"coffee," said terry, as he sat down on a stool. "and a cheeseburger." he turned to me. "you want a burger, too?"

"yes, please," i answered. "just a burger, no cheese. but onions, if you've got them. and do you have fries?," i asked the fat person.

terry started to laugh. "did you hear that? she wants fries. do you want a cherry on top of it, too?"

"fries are only seventy-five cents extra," said the fat person. i could tell from the voice it was a woman.

"sure, give her some fries. but no cherry." terry took his phone out of his pocket and started checking his messages.

"do you have ketchup?" i asked the woman, as she turned toward the grill.

"yeah, right down on the counter there. see it?"

***